Building Blocks to Successful Relationships: Forgiveness
The last critical element of any structure is the roof. A damaged roof left in disarray will quickly lead to interior damage of the building. Forgiveness is like the rooftop of our relationships. If we let bitterness and lack of forgiveness into our relationships, it will quickly lead to damaged friendships.
Hebrews 12:14-15, “Follow peace with all men, and holiness, without which no man shall see the Lord: Looking diligently lest any man fail of the grace of God; lest any root of bitterness springing up trouble you, and thereby many be defiled;”
Sometimes, there will be relationships which cannot be rectified. However, we still need to experience the power of forgiveness whether or not the person repents of their actions. We cannot regulate the actions of others, but we can control our response to them.
There are three steps to developing a heart of forgiveness towards our enemies:
Leave Revenge with the Lord
Romans 12:17a, 18-19, “Recompense to no man evil for evil…If it be possible, as much as lieth in you, live peaceably with all men. Dearly beloved, avenge not yourselves, but rather give place unto wrath: for it is written, Vengeance is mine; I will repay, saith the Lord.”
Our natural response to mistreatment by others is to seek revenge. This is not a Christ-honoring response. Many times we may not actually repay evil for evil, but how many times have we wished we could do so in our hearts? We know what a Christlike response is supposed to be, and we usually demonstrate that externally. However, I know more times than I care to admit, I wish I could have sought retribution. God is more concerned with our heart attitudes than our physical actions. If our hearts are right, then our actions will be right.
We must leave revenge in the hands of the Lord. If another person is out of the will of God, it is His prerogative to discipline them.
Repay Evil with Good
Romans 12: 20-21, “Therefore if thine enemy hunger, feed him; if he thirst, give him drink: for in so doing thou shalt heap coals of fire on his head. Be not overcome of evil, but overcome evil with good.”
Many people misinterpret these verses. They think being nice to their enemy is a way to get revenge. Therefore by being kind, they are “heaping coals of fire” on their head. If this was a way to get revenge, then these verses would be in contradiction with the previous ones which tells us NOT to repay evil for evil. Our goal is not one of revenge and retaliation, but one of love and blessing.
To understand these verses correctly, we must understand the culture of the people to whom it was written. Back in Bible times when a person’s fire went out, they would often go to their neighbor’s house and ask for some hot coals to get their fire going again. In many eastern cultures, people would carry their baskets on their heads. So by sharing one’s coals, she was in a sense, “heaping coals of fire upon the head of her neighbor.”
Christ gives us the greatest example of loving our enemies. He knew during the entire time of His ministry that one day Judas was going to betray Him. In spite of this, He invited Judas to become one of His closest companions. On the night He was betrayed, Christ knelt down in an act of ultimate humility and washed the very feet of His soon-to-be betrayer.
What thoughts go through your head when you think of washing the feet of your enemy?
Pray for Our Enemies
Matthew 5:43-48, “Ye have heard that it hath been said, Thou shalt love thy neighbour, and hate thine enemy. But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you; That ye may be the children of your Father which is in heaven: for he maketh his sun to rise on the evil and on the good, and sendeth rain on the just and on the unjust. For if ye love them which love you, what reward have ye? do not even the publicans the same? And if ye salute your brethren only, what do ye more than others? do not even the publicans so? Be ye therefore perfect, even as your Father which is in heaven is perfect.”
Praying sincerely for our enemies is not an easy task to do. However, as we begin this practice, God will change our hearts and fill it with love for them. It is hard to feel hatred for someone when you are lifting them up in prayer.
Experiencing Forgiveness
When we apply these three principles to our relationships with our enemies, God will be glorified in our lives in ways greater than we can imagine. Forgiving ones’ enemies is a complete contradiction as to what the World teaches. When we display this characteristic in our lives, people around us will see a genuine Christ-likeness in our character. This will lead to greater opportunities to demonstrate the love of Christ and the ability to lead others to Him.
To have successful relationships:
- Begin by building a solid foundation. Have a vibrant healthy relationship with the Lord.
- Recognize the value that every sister-in-Christ adds to the family of God.
- Incorporate the seven elements found within the framework of healthy relationships – humility, unhypocritical love, honor, open-handed generosity, hospitality, honesty, and tender-heartedness.
- Practice forgiveness.
This is the last post in this series: Building Blocks to Successful Relationships. If you missed the other posts, I would encourage you to click the above links to read them.
Thank you so much for joining me in this study and I pray we might apply these principles in order to develop Godly relationships with others!
For further reading, I recommend:
Choosing Forgiveness: Your Journey to Freedom
By Nancy Leigh DeMoss / Moody Publishers
Jesus says that we should pardon each other “seventy times seven.” But what happens when it’s hard to forgive even once? Drawing on biblical principles and real-life stories, DeMoss helps you repair relationships with spouses, family members, co-workers, and others. Her liberating insights will free you to experience God’s healing and peace. Includes study guide. Paperback.
Thank for linking your post up with Grace & Truth this week, Julia. I have chosen your post as my feature this week. Feel free to grab the “I Was Featured” graphic to add o your post and link back to the feature.
Thank you so much for the feature Aimee!