A Wife’s Role in Marriage: Questions & Answers
Last week in preparation for her upcoming marriage, my sister sent me some questions regarding a wife’s role in marriage. It was actually rather fitting as my husband and I celebrate our eighth anniversary this week. In some ways, eight years is not very long to be married, but in today’s society lasting marriages are becoming less common. We surely don’t have it all figured out, but we have learned a few things. And of course, we can always find the answers in the Word of God no matter what the questions are.
What are the wife’s responsibilities regarding her role in marriage as given in Scripture?
A wife is to be her husband’s friend, companion, supporter, encourager, prayer warrior, and lover. She is responsible to meet his needs sexually. A wife should continue to take care of herself and make sure she is desirable to her husband. Not that beauty is all on the outside, but men are affected by sight. There may be bad days, but don’t “let yourself go” after you get married.
I Cor. 7:4-5, Let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence: and likewise also the wife unto the husband. The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband: and likewise also the husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife. Defraud ye not one the other, except it be with consent for a time, that ye may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again, that Satan tempt you not for your incontinency.
I Cor. 7:34b, The unmarried woman careth for the things of the Lord, that she may be holy both in body and in spirit: but she that is married careth for the things of the world, how she may please her husband.
She is to wisely manage the affairs of her home. She is to respect and honor her husband even when she may not agree with him.
Pro. 31:11-12, The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her, so that he shall have no need of spoil. She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life.
What is the Biblical view of submission?*
In any healthy relationship especially marriage, submission should actually go both ways. We submit our wants, needs, and desires to that of the other person. We put aside our own way and selfishness. As we submit to our spouse’s desires, they will more readily submit to our desires.
Ephesians 5:21-22, Submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of God. Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.
In marriage, the husband is the head of the home. He is the one ultimately responsible for what goes on. It is up to him to have the final say and authority. If he is a godly man, he will be wise in when he chooses to “have the final say” and will not do so over trivial matters just to prove he’s the boss. In these times, the wife is to submit to the will of her husband and trust his decision. A wise husband will discuss major decisions and will listen to the counsel and thoughts of his wife.
How does a wife fulfill her role as her husband’s helpmeet?*
I think this will look different in every relationship. The key is asking him and finding out what is important to him and meeting his needs. The wife is generally the primary one responsible for maintaining the home and raising the children. Her first and foremost priority is her family. Any outside work or ministry should only be done when she is meeting the needs of her family well. In whatever his work or ministry, your goal is to help make him look good. You are to help or better enable him to do his God-given calling.
Pro. 31:23, Her husband is known in the gates, when he sitteth among the elders of the land.
The Prov. 31 woman’s husband was a leader in the land. He was able to achieve this because of who his wife was and how well she maintained and ran their home. Prioritize the things he requests of you.
How can a wife utilize her own talents while still being in submission to her husband?
A wife should be sure that she is meeting the needs within the home before seeking work or ministry outside the home. Before making any serious commitments, she should seek and ask the counsel of her husband (This isn’t about control and should actually go both ways in the relationship. Mutual submission=mutual respect).
There are various seasons in life, and for a time certain endeavors may have to be minimized or set-aside. That being said, much can be accomplished when using time wisely. Do things as a family and involve your children whenever possible. Many mothers use their gifts outside the home but also use it as a time with their children. Use the small margins of time that often go to waste. What household tasks can I accomplish in 5 or 10 minutes? Using those small increments of time can free you up to use larger chunks of time on other projects or endeavors.
Don’t do anything outside of the home without your husband’s blessing. God will not bless it. Find ways to utilize your abilities while still being at home. Constantly be reevaluating to make sure your lives are balanced. If your relationship is suffering or your kids are acting out, it might be time to reexamine your priorities. The busier you get, the more you will need to actually schedule and implement family/couple time. Try to eat one meal a day together as a family (doesn’t have to always be dinner).
No matter what season you are in though, find a creative outlet for your abilities. You will feel much more fulfilled. Come up with and idea/plan, pray about it, and then present it to your husband. But if he says, “no or not right now,” listen to him. Just keep praying, and doing what you are suppose to at home and God will work in the right time.
How can a wife remind, correct, and advise her husband without being bossy or nagging?
This starts with a heart attitude and spirit. Much more will be achieved if your spirit is right. There is nothing a man hates more than a bossy woman. Let the little stuff go when possible. Write him a note with a reminder. Make him a list and add some fun stuff on it too (I always add “kiss your wifey”, go to Starbucks, or something fun like that).
Make sure that you are listening to his heart as well. Is there something he has asked YOU to do that you haven’t? Get that out of the way first. 🙂
With the more serious stuff, sit down at the right time and have a heart-to-heart chat with him. Make sure you have his undivided attention. Explain why that is important to you. Maybe offer to do something for him so he has a better opportunity to do what you need help with. Give GRACE, lots and lots of GRACE. 🙂 Learn how you both react when you are tired and not feeling well. Try to pay attention to these cues. Don’t address problems during these times if possible.
Ultimately, you have to leave it in God’s hands. Pray about it. Get counsel from your Pastor’s wife if it is something serious enough. DO NOT bad mouth or complain about your husband ever to your mom, sister, sisters-in-law, friends, etc. Make sure to deal with things privately and not in front of others or your future children. Don’t ever correct him in front of others even if he is saying something that is incorrect.
When a both the husband and the wife are fulfilling their respective roles and giving God the preeminence in their relationship, their marriage will be a beautiful picture of God’s grace.
Praying that God blesses your marriage as you seek to fulfill your role as a godly wife!
