Five Ways to Overcome Conflict
God uses conflict in our lives to mature us into His perfect image. Conflict is never fun or easy. It is challenging and sometimes heartbreaking. But when it is overcome and a relationship is restored Biblically, it can yield a beautiful result. Now, not every conflict brings restoration of a relationship. There are times when this is not possible. However, no matter the case, we can overcome conflict in our own hearts and lives when we apply God’s principles to our lives. Today, we are going to look at five ways to overcome conflict.
II Timothy 2:24, “And the servant of the Lord must not strive; but be gentle unto all men, apt to teach, patient,”
Don’t Respond Emotionally
As women, it easy to let our emotions get the better of us when someone does something to offend us. It is important when an offense comes that we take a step back before responding.
Proverbs 29:11, “A fool uttereth all his mind: but a wise man keepeth it in till afterwards.”
Our emotions are not necessarily wrong in and of themselves. God created us in His image as emotional beings. However, they can quickly lead to sinful behaviors if not brought into check. Anger may or may not be wrong, but it can most certainly be harmful to others if we act upon it.
We must examine why we are angry. Perhaps someone did or said something that merely triggered something from our past or another situation we are dealing with. If we lash out, it would be totally unjustified and perhaps really has nothing to do with the person. If you have ever been on the receiving end of someone’s misdirected anger, you understand how damaging it can be to a relationship.
Ken Sande writes,
Instead of reacting to disputes in a confused, defensive, or angry manner, you can learn to respond to conflict confidently and constructively (Peacemaker, p.15).
It is imperative that we do not let those closest to us – our husbands, children, or close friends – become the “fall guy(s)” when we encounter a conflict. It is sinful to lash out in anger to someone else, rather than correctly, quickly, and biblically dealing with the situation.
Proverbs 17:8, “Even a fool, when he holdeth his peace, is counted wise: and he that shutteth his lips is esteemed a man of understanding.”
Even when our anger may be “justified” in our minds, there is still no excuse to react in a sinful manner. It is best to remove ourselves from the situation if possible before we react. This isn’t always possible, but we can train ourselves to exercise self-control and refrain from immediately reacting to the situation. The more we are walking in the Spirit and filling our hearts and minds with the Word of God, the easier it will be to respond to difficult situations in a biblical manner.
Forgive the Offender
A damaged roof left in disarray will quickly lead to interior damage of the building. Forgiveness is like the rooftop of our relationships. If we let bitterness and lack of forgiveness into our relationships, it will quickly lead to damaged friendships.
Hebrews 12:14-15, “Follow peace with all men, and holiness, without which no man shall see the Lord: Looking diligently lest any man fail of the grace of God; lest any root of bitterness springing up trouble you, and thereby many be defiled;”
Sometimes, there will be relationships which cannot be rectified. However, we still need to experience the power of forgiveness whether or not the person repents of their actions. We cannot regulate the actions of others, but we can control our response to them.
When someone has deeply penetrated the depths of our hearts with their offense(s), it will be impossible to forgive them in our own strength. We must rely on God to help us and give us strength in these situations. Remembering the magnitude of our offenses, of which God has already forgiven us, will help us in extending this same grace to others.
Forgiveness is not so much about the other person changing, as it is about a changing of our own hearts. Oftentimes, we want the other person to suffer for the wrong they have caused us. But in order to forgive them, we have to be willing to let the injustices go. Forgiveness is a choice we must make and a cleansing work of the Holy Spirit in our hearts.
Overlook Petty Differences and Offenses
While there are some offenses that need to be dealt with, there are others that are minor and should merely be overlooked. Not every offense requires a confrontation. Sometimes, the mature thing is to simply pass over or ignore a minor infraction. It may be that the person did not even mean to cause offense. We’ve all heard the petty complaints – “She didn’t speak to me”, “The Pastor didn’t shake my hand”, “That person gave me a weird look.”
More often than not, these types of offenses were never done intentionally. Sometimes people are going through things that we don’t know about, and their actions have nothing to do with us. It is important to focus on the truth in these situations. Do we know this person has a problem with us? If we don’t know this for a fact, then it is best to give them the benefit of the doubt and not allow our minds to conjure up a million untrue scenarios.
“Many disputes are so insignificant that they should be resolved by quietly and deliberately overlooking an offense…Overlooking an offense is a form of forgiveness and involves a deliberate decision not to talk about it, dwell on it, or let it grow into pent-up bitterness or anger” (Sande, p. 25).
Proverbs 19:11, “The discretion of a man deferreth his anger; and it is his glory to pass over a transgression.”
Reconcile Whenever Possible
Matthew 5:24, “Leave there thy gift before the altar, and go thy way; first be reconciled to thy brother, and then come and offer thy gift.”
II Corinthians 5:18, “And all things are of God, who hath reconciled us to himself by Jesus Christ, and hath given to us the ministry of reconciliation;”
God has given us the ministry of reconciliation. When we receive the gift of salvation and accept the covering of Christ’s shed blood on the cross, we are reconciled with God. Before salvation, there is a vast gulf fixed between us and God which can only be crossed over by means of the cross. We are alienated from God in our sin. However, as believers, we are called to share the good news of salvation and acts as intermediaries telling unbelievers how this gap can be crossed.
The essence of the Gospel is reconciliation. When we choose to reconcile with our fellow mankind, we are extending the same grace to them that has been so graciously bestowed upon us. It is imperative that we ever keep in mind the abundance of our dept that has been covered with the shed blood of Christ.
Reconciliation is not always possible. Sometimes, the circumstances are beyond our control. However, we can reconcile with our own emotions regarding the conflict. We can choose forgiveness. We can choose Christ-like love. This does not mean we have to restore an intimate relationship we had with a person. But we can decide to let go for our own benefit. If we choose to hold on to offence, then we are allowing the offender to control our lives. Forgiveness is not so much for their benefit as it is for ours.
Be a Peacemaker
As Christians, we are called to be peacemakers. Our number one ministry is to reconcile those lost in sin who are alienated from God. We are called to spread the good news of the Gospel and share with others how they can be reconciled to a holy and righteous God.
Romans 5:1, “Therefore being justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ:”
In the same way, a spirit-filled Christian will seek to live at peace with his brothers and sisters in Christ. Sometimes this is not always possible, but we should seek to live peaceful lives with those around us. When we know we have done are part to pursue peace with others, we can be at peace in our hearts and minds. While sometimes we must confront error with truth, we should not be constantly seeking conflict with others. A spiritual Christian seeks to overcome conflict, not to pursue conflict.
Psalm 34:14, “Depart from evil, and do good; seek peace, and pursue it.”
Romans 8:6, “For to be carnally minded is death; but to be spiritually minded is life and peace.”
Ephesians 4:3, “Endeavouring to keep the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace.”
James 3:18, “And the fruit of righteousness is sown in peace of them that make peace.”
Romans 12:17-18, “Recompense to no man evil for evil. Provide things honest in the sight of all men. If it be possible, as much as lieth in you, live peaceably with all men.”
I hope that you will be challenged to apply these 5 ways to overcome conflicts. When we apply these principles to our lives, we become a channel of Christ’s love to those around us.
Let us seek to live in one accord with our fellow sisters in Christ!
