Five Ways to Love a Difficult Person

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Do you have a relationship in which you are struggling? Is there a difficult person in your life with whom you just can’t seem to get along? Unfortunately as the result of living in a fallen world, we all have troublesome people in our lives with whom we must deal. As difficult as it may be at times, God calls us to the ministry of peacemakers. God’s Word gives us several ways we can love the difficult people in our lives.

As we seek to be peacemakers, we exemplify the character of Christ who was the ultimate peacemaker. Through His shed blood on the cross, He made atonement for our sins thereby giving us the opportunity for reconciliation with God. In turn, God has called us to this same ministry of reconciliation.

Matthew 5:9, “Blessed are the peacemakers: for they shall be called the children of God.”

II Timothy 2:24, “And the servant of the Lord must not strive; but be gentle unto all men, apt to teach, patient,”

Today, I would like to share with you Five Ways to Love a Difficult Person.

Pray for Them

Luke 6:28, “Bless them that curse you, and pray for them which despitefully use you.“

It has often been said that is difficult to stay angry with someone when you pray for them. When we pray for the situation, we are giving up control and giving it to God. Praying for a difficult person is an act of surrender to the Lord. This is probably why we choose not to pray for these people. We prefer to maintain control of the situation. Our flesh does not want to yield the situation completely over to God. But this is the only way, we will ultimately win the victory.

God often works in complete contrast to our sinful, fleshly wills. Who wants to give up ultimate control of a situation? I know I often don’t! But in yielding our rights, we are actually winning the battle. We are winning the battle against our flesh. And we are winning the battle against the devil who seeks to sow discord among the brethren. If he (the devil) can keep us at odds one with another, he can keep us from working together to reach the World for Christ.

Love Them (where they are at)

Matthew 5:43-46a, “Ye have heard that it hath been said, Thou shalt love thy neighbour, and hate thine enemy. But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you; That ye may be the children of your Father which is in heaven…For if ye love them which love you, what reward have ye?”

When there is a person in my life who I am having a difficult time love, I ask the Lord to make me a channel of HIS love. Where my heart lacks, God supplies. God often places these people in our lives to show us our own failings and inadequacies. It is easy for us to love those who are near and dear to us; those who cherish us as much as we cherish them. However, in order for us to display the true character and likeness of Christ, we must learn to love our enemies and the difficult people around us.

I Corinthians 13:4-5, “Charity suffereth long, and is kind; charity envieth not; charity vaunteth not itself, is not puffed up, Doth not behave itself unseemly, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil;”

Christlike love is an enduring love. It’s patience does not run short on time. It will continue to display a spirit of love while the years toil on. Charity is kind and tender when taunted and scorned. It is not jealous of others success, nor does it pridefully promote oneself. A lady who displays this love does not behave herself inappropriately. She puts others’ needs ahead of her own. She is not easily angered and does not have evil intentions towards others.

A mature Christian lady will be marked by her ability to portray this type of love when confronted by the troublesome people in her life.

Recognize that Only God Can Change His or Her Heart

Jeremiah 24:7, “And I will give them an heart to know me, that I am the Lord: and they shall be my people, and I will be their God: for they shall return unto me with their whole heart.”

Ezekiel 11:19, “And I will give them one heart, and I will put a new spirit within you; and I will take the stony heart out of their flesh, and will give them an heart of flesh:”

The only person we can change is ourselves. No matter how hard we may try, it never works to try and change another person. Whether you are a parent, spouse, friend, or enemy. The best thing we can do is model Christ-like behavior, pray for the difficult person, and leave the rest in God’s hands. Oftentimes, the harder you try to change a person, the more they become resentful and resistant to change.

However, the Holy Spirit can bring about a level of conviction far beyond the scope of our abilities. And the conviction He brings is able to yield lasting change, rather than someone changing temporarily to appease us.

But God is not only looking to change the heart of the difficult person. He is ultimately seeking to use them to bring about sanctification in our own lives. Dealing with difficult people often reveals the areas I need to change in my own life.

Choose Forgiveness

Matthew 6:15, “But if ye forgive not men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.”

Choosing forgiveness can be one of the hardest things to do when someone has wronged us. It is especially difficult when they have not sought repentance and restoration. One the greatest biblical examples of forgiveness is found in the life of Joseph. Sometimes it is easy to look at this story as just a cute Sunday school lesson, but what a powerful illustration it gives us.

Can you imagine being sold into slavery but your own family members? Talk about a difficult relationship. Many of us may have experienced family squabbles but the level of hatred and jealousy found in Joseph’s family ran deep. Joseph chose to forgive his brothers; and as a result, God brought provision and restoration. Could God had used Joseph in such a great way had he not chosen forgiveness? Likely not. Could a bitter, resentful, angry man withstood the temptation brought about by Potiphar’s wife? Probably not. Anger and lust often walk hand in hand.

If we want God to use us in supernatural ways, we must be willing to cast aside anger, malice, resentment, and bitterness. We must allow God to work in and through us by being facilitators of His mercy, love, and grace. The greatest way we can display Christlikeness in our lives is to forgive those who have wronged us.

Building Blocks to Successful Relationships: Forgiving One Another

Give a Gift (If appropriate)

Proverbs 21:14, “A gift in secret pacifieth anger: and a reward in the bosom strong wrath.”

A gift may not be appropriate in every circumstance, but is there a way you can seek to bless the person you are having difficulty with?

Giving a gift needs to be done with the right motives, however. Don’t do it merely to appease them or manipulate them. Doing something kind for our enemy when given the opportunity may not only soften their heart, but may help our attitude as well. This can be especially effective if you are given the opportunity when they are at a vulnerable spot it life – i.e. sickness, death of loved one, etc.

One time many years ago, our family had a falling out with some close friends of ours. Sometime after the falling out, I was given the opportunity to loan them something of mine of which they had need. While this didn’t restore the relationship by any means to its former place, it did help soften my heart and I believe their’s as well. Although no longer as intimate as it once was, over time the relationship has become much more cordial and friendly when our paths do happen to meet.

Romans 12:19-21, “Dearly beloved, avenge not yourselves, but rather give place unto wrath: for it is written, Vengeance is mine; I will repay, saith the Lord. Therefore if thine enemy hunger, feed him; if he thirst, give him drink: for in so doing thou shalt heap coals of fire on his head. Be not overcome of evil, but overcome evil with good.”

Closing Thoughts…

Ultimately, we have to leave our difficult relationships in the hands of the Lord. As much as it may grieve our hearts when a relationship is broken, there is only so much we can do. We must examine our own hearts, seek restoration, and then place it on the altar as Abraham did Isaac.

Julia

Five Ways to Love a Difficult Person